Yesterday (am).

Like most people in Sweden we have a wee note on the post-box instructing people that junk-mail is not wanted. We do not even accept the Swedish bible that is the IKEA catalogue For the most part this sign has been respected for the nigh on 5 years I have resided here in Malmö. Of course, we have received the odd unwanted brochure/flyer for various services rendered but never in great proportion and never with any degree of regularity. Imagine, then, my horror upon receiving no less that 4 pieces of junk-mail yesterday morning. Here's what I got: (in order of annoyance factor - least annoying first)

• An offer from Skånska Dagbladet to subscribe to their paper for 1 SEK per day. It smacked of desperation and I just felt a little bit sorry for them really. They try their best.
• Some form of offer from a photo shop. Not interested. Little irritated now.
• A flyer telling me all about the extra cheap filth available at my least favourte food-store, LIDL. Their merchandise is sub-standard and they treat their employees like dirt. Pretty angry by now only to see....
• ... a questionnaire from the Church of Scientology in Malmö. Arlöv, actually. But they say Malmö. 200 questions that when examined by one of their 'auditors' would give clues as to where my life is going wrong and how I can be happy. Firstly, I'm already happy, thank-you muchly. Secondly, I have a nagging feeling that they'd suggest I'd be happier if I joined, and gave piles of hard-earned cash to, the Church of .. er... of course... Scientology. Funny that!

Reasons I'm sceptical about Scientology:

1. It's a belief system started by a guy who wrote comics
2. In order to learn 'truths' you have to give them lots of money
3. They pester people with stress-tests and junk-mail
4. All religions is full of incredible stories but Scientology rules in thi department. See below...

Two key 'incidents':

Incident I (Scientology's Big Bang?) is set four quadrillion years ago and provides a cosmological explanation of the origin of all universes. The unsuspecting thetan (our undying soul) was subjected to a loud snapping noise followed by a flood of luminescence, then saw a chariot followed by a trumpeting cherub. After a loud set of snaps, the thetan was overwhelmed by darkness. This is described as the implant opening the gateway to this universe, meaning that these traumatic memories are what separates thetans from their static (natural, godlike) state.

Incident II (the implants) is a blinder. Xenu, the dictator of the muchos evil "Galactic Confederacy" who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of his people to Earth in DC-8 like spacecraft (aeroplanes bascially), stacked them around volcanoes and killed them using hydrogen bombs. The 'thetans' (souly doo-das) that came out of the bodies were trapped by Xenu and his gang of cronies in an electronic ribbon. They were forced to watch 3D-super movies (like Jaws 3) for no less that 36 days where all ideas of god, the devil, all world religions etc. (and oddly images likening modern England) were forced in to them. They then clustered and attached themselves to bodies and have done so ever since causing us no end of bother. Obviously the only way to be rid of these pesky blighters is to, that's right, give lots of money to Scientologists!

Leave. Me. Alone.